Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents Need To Matter More Than Peers

‘Maté’s book will make you examine your behaviour in a new light’ Guardian

‘bold, wise and deeply moral. [Maté] is a healer to be cherished’ Naomi Klein, author of No Logo and The Shock Doctrine

Children take their lead from their friends: being ‘cool’ matters more than anything else. Shaping values, identity and codes of behaviour, peer groups are often far more influential than parents.

But this situation is far from natural, and it can be dangerous – it undermines family cohesion, interferes with healthy development, and fosters a hostile and sexualized youth culture. Children end up becoming conformist, anxious and alienated.

In Hold on to Your Kids, acclaimed physician and bestselling author Gabor Maté joins forces with Gordon Neufeld, a psychologist with a reputation for penetrating to the heart of complex parenting. Together they pinpoint the causes of this breakdown and offer practical advice on how to ‘reattach’ to sons and daughters, establish the hierarchy at home, make children feel safe and understood, and earn back your children's loyalty and love. This updated edition also addresses the unprecedented parenting challenges posed by the rise of digital devices and social media.

By helping to reawaken our instincts, Maté and Neufeld empower parents to be what nature intended: a true source of contact, security and warmth for their children.


Gabor Maté’s connections―between the intensely personal and the global, the spiritual and the medical, the psychological and the political―are bold, wise and deeply moral. He is a healer to be cherished, Naomi Klein, author of No Logo and The Shock Doctrine

A visionary book that goes beyond the usual explanations to illuminate a crisis of unrecognized proportions. The authors show us how we are losing contact with our children and how this loss undermines their development and threatens the very fabric of society. Most importantly they offer, through concrete examples and clear suggestions, practical help for parents to fulfil their instinctual roles. A brilliant and well written book – one to be taken very seriously, Peter A. Levine Ph.D., International teacher and author of the bestselling books: Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma and It Won't Hurt Forever, Guiding Your Child through Trauma

Hold on to Your Kids brings us genuinely new ideas and fresh perspectives on parenting. The authors integrate psychology, anthropology, neurology and their own personal and professional experiences…. a worthy book with practical implications, Dr Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia and The Shelter of Each Other

Maté’s book will make you examine your behaviour in a new light, Guardian

Hold On to Your Kids is full of easy tips for avoiding calamity, Times